Bleached..

There's this guy.

I've never really had a real conversation with him, but he's hot, in that timid 'I don't know what I'm trying to say' kind of way. But he's hot.

And I want to have a real conversation with him, despite the fact that I've never done so; it's the goal that's important. Tonight I went to a straight club, with straight people, drinking (sometimes) straight drinks. He was there too, although I normally see him at the gay club, with gay people, drinking (always) gay drinks. We're gay, that's what we do.

Anyway, I'm not overwhelmed, I'm not overtaken, I'm not overcome, but I'm not in there, being obvious, being devious, being clear. It's seduction the way I'd want it to be done - the way that it's subtle, there all the time but not annoying, available but not desperate. I want to have fun but I want him to have fun seeing me have fun. I want to be watched but not persued. I want to have my cake and eat it.

"I want to have a laugh, but I want him to laugh with me."

That's all.
That's all!

I think this is fun...

You input one desire and then click on the almost-random other suggestions that pop up in order to add more.
Once I'm more on the way to creating a list for myself, I'll share it. Until that time, visit:
link

Being home for Thanksgiving

I'm home this weekend for a meet-and-greet with my family. I love them to bits, they're great, but thank god that I don't have to live with them any more. They're fun but they drive me insane with their habits, their styles of living and their middle-class clutter.

Everything is just too much around them.

It's great to see them in short two-day chunks.



....I'm dreading Christmas.

Pacific sleeper shark

After reading a Wired News article about deep-sea diving, I was intrigued by the Pacific Sleeper Shark. I've never heard of it before and it sounds kind of nifty. Supposedly one of the great ocean predators:

"Very little is known of sleeper shark life history. Age and size at maturity are unknown. They are thought to be ovovivparous (produce eggs that hatch within the females body), but gestation time and litter size has not been determined. Despite its sluggish and inoffensive reputation, they are voracious and versatile predators. The stomach contents of one 12 foot (3.7m) female weighed 300 pounds (136kg) and consisted of mostly rex and Dover soles. Another sleeper shark stomach contained 3 hair seals. Their diet also includes flatfish; halibut, soles, salmon, and rockfish. Other prey includes octopus & squids, crabs, and carrion (Hart 1973). In the picture below is a chunk of harbor seal skin and attached tissue recovered from the stomach of a Pacific sleeper shark."

Conservation Institute
Arctic Science Journeys
Google link

Do you remember the controversy

There was a lot of flak hitting the news late April about a Seatle Times photo that was published showing a plane load of US military coffins in the hold - the whole sombre collection draped with the American flag? It was a moving image, and a sorry tale to see the young infantrymen coming home in that way.
What struck me as strange when I looked over the story today is how the author of the piece (link) was Hal Bernton. Coincidence? The name sounds like one I've heard before in relation to military matters.
Stupid thought, but I thought it and thought I'd share it.

After the party

But still news all the same, I think this is really important at the moment. The Register carries a story detailing how the US FCC has decided that individual states don't have jurisdiction over whether to tax VoIP services. It's going to be up to the FCC and Michael Powell whether US users have to pay tax on their calls. I don't know if this will have an impact on international users who use the software, but I'm sure Skype will tell us if there's a problem!

link

Love the mind games

I love how worked up we all get about one another. Once we meet someone we like, we think is hot, comes across as intelligent, we act as though unable to touch them with a barge-pole. We're conservative, scared and apprehensive. I love how the mind games work - Scott's going through what I was going through two weeks ago, but he actually writes it online!

Out in the open, ready for all to see.
It's the 'Do I contact him or don't I? Does that come across as desperate or just interested? Can I call without him hating me for chasing so much?" I hate doing this stuff, but it's kind of fun to watch from way afar.

"This Charlie boy is freaking me out. I just can't work out if he fancies me. I thought I'd do a bit of fishing this morning by sending him a email calling him gorgeous (he has addressed me as Sexy and fit in two previous emails) and asking how his weekend was whilst letting him know about my weekend."

Gdayscott

Whoops - direct plagarism

"Observant readers of the Newsblog might remember that we promised you live coverage of prime minister's question time. Unfortunately, PMQs is not happening today. The mistake was ours, not the prime minister's. Sorry about that...."

Just made me laugh.

If you don't know anything about Britain, this isn't funny. So there.
link

AAAAhhhhhh

"Jake Gyllenhaal reportedly says of his love scene with Heath Ledger in the upcoming gay cowboy movie Brokeback Mountain. "And then I grab him, and I slam him up against the wall, and I kiss him. And we were doing take after take after take." Even though I know this item is probably the work of a crafty PR person, it's the kind of information that will inspire me to spend at least a full week's worth of real contemplative quality time by myself."

link

Insurgents? or just Enemies?

When do the wounded stop being insurgents and become citizens?
Insurgents have to be from outside the country - people aren't insurgents of their own country. So whilst the American media claims that all the fighters in Iraq have mysteriously materialised from Afghanistan or Iran, all the Iraqis who disliked the US invasion prior to their 'success' have apparently disappeared.
The international press doesn't call the opposition fighters 'insurgents', so why is this a US led move? What's been pushing the American media to discuss the war with these terms? Is it follow the leader reporting, where consumers are so familiar with the Fox-News version of the English language that the press don't want to use correct language and confuse the readers?
OR, are they being told to use the language? It's unlikely, but pressure on editors, endless repetition by official voices and interview language slowly has an effect.

"U.S. Marines tend to a wounded insurgent"

SF Chronicle link

Dissatisfied with news?

I haven't had a lot to say lately, I just feel like there's not a lot that I can add to the discourse.
Other than that it's scary that China has massive control over the US currency (link)

Oh, and Colin Farrell is bouffant!
Other than THAT.

Now I don't have anything to say.

I could talk about san francisco, getting over guys, bitch fighting and Tony Blair's style, but I won't right now.

Denial of Service

"Sorry I can’t, my super-dozy friend Helen hasn’t done any of her work and I’m going to save her like Super Gay man!"

dying here

So I'm writing a letter, on a computer because I managed to leave all my stationary at home, and what happens - curse me for trying - my wrist gives out on me. Suddenly (well, after I eventually noticed it) my wrist feels like I've got several needles stickout of of it, and whenever I bend it down I feel like someone's got a pair of pliars pinched around my blood vessels.
Nice!
So of course my first reactin is... write about it! Typing just makes wrist pain so much better doesn't it>? That's what I've heard.

私はある矛盾を必要とします

This site, but in Japanese.
How fun!
I understand none of it which makes me feel incredibly stupid. Then again whoever it was that was reading my site from japan had used a translator to get it in Japanese, so i don't feel too bad - it means they're almost as ignorant as me!
Celebrate collective stupidity - it's something to be cherished in the hyped up, over intelligent world that we live in.
Right?
Anyway, Japanese. Try it out:
link

Smile for the camera

Smile, when your thoughts turn snide and you don't have a good word to say. Smile when you know it's dead but carry on all the same just to keep up appearances - to avoid disappointment. Smile when you're about to run but then consider your social standing and skip instead! Smile when you've had enough and want to practice your frown.

Smile when you're pissed off and annoyed, not because of what they say but because you know it was all a waste of time.

good news!

Trials of a new, and most importantly cheap, antibiotic in Zambia have found that when given to AIDS children aged 1-14 over a 19 month period the mortality rate for this eight hundred song sample group halved when compared with those children on a placebo.
The trails were so successful that they halted them prematurely in an attempt to get the drug accepted around the world as quickly as possible. Millions of lives could be saved with little cost.

link

My new best friend

I found a new bosom buddy - an unlikely hero - my new pal Lexis Nexis. There to all who have several hundred a year spare, free to all college students the world over who have nothing to spare.
I thank all the lawyers of this world for subscribing for ludicrous fees just so that I can get it, without the fees. Cheers

http://www.lexis-nexis.com/

Plucked from the air

Sometimes you just get messages that come from no-where, are received at random and are entirely unsolicited. Long-lost friends get into contact because some odd memory was sparked by a event in their day, or they read something that made them think of you. Today I got one of those and it made me think, made me laugh for some strange reason. I think it's because there is nothing else you can really do - all you can do is laugh because what other reaction can there be; you don't know the person anymore really, you're not familiar which is of course why you're out of touch.

So I laughed to myself for a moment, and then moved on.

One big happy gay family

Homos and other 'other' lifestyle couples can now register 'civil partnerships' in the UK following the passing of a civil partnerships bill in the UK's upper house, the House of Lords.
I thank everyone for their restraint in not referring to this event as a 'fabulous' result. Well done everybody.

The historic step forward will see lesbian and gay couples have access to the rights and responsibilities on offer to heterosexual couples who wish to hold a civil wedding.

The vote of support comes despite fears that the bill would be blocked by peers just a day before the end of this parliamentary session.

link

Simone says save the wolves

"I just learned that Alaska is expanding its aerial wolf shoots and will allow 900 wolves to be slaughtered by trophy hunters and to keep elk populations "healthy". OUTRAGEOUS!

Please sign the petition to the governor of Alaska:
Defenders of Wildlife

"The "reasoning" behind Alaska's reinstated aerial wolf kill program, according to the governor and his board of game, is that McGrath residents (population 470) are going hungry - the area's wolves, supposedly, are gobbling up moose before townspeople have had a chance to kill and eat them themselves. Aside from the ethical considerations concerning this viewpoint, that humans, as a "superior" species must put their own convenience and needs before that of animals in their area - animals that existed in that area long before man and, according to the laws of nature, kill and eat only to survive - let's look closely at the other facts. Let's even pretend for a moment there is nothing wrong with this human-centric outlook. Is the current aerial wolf "control" program merely about eliminating 45 or so McGrath area wolves? What's all the fuss really about?"

- Kerkwood Wolf.com link

IMAGE from portland indymedia
Simone

Save the wolves - read some of the links and find out for yourself. The issue is whether we value our diversity in nature or whether humans should force themselves upon their surrounding habitat no matter how inhospitable it may be. If we can't even create our own food in an area, should we even be there? Whatever your respons, aerial hunting is morally corrupt and an abomination to be halted.

CNN 5th Nov
Environment News Service
What it looks like

The best kind of text-message

"Sweet dreams gorgeous. x x"

They're the best because that's the kind you can't ask for - you only get them on impulse. And impulse is always best.

they grew hemp!

"A couple of years ago I became aware that ordinary people have been using currency to spread ideas.


I had received a few I GREW HEMP bills, but was awhile before it dawned on me that people were actually using cash as a communication channel.


Some bills advertise political opinions. Others share highly personal messages, I suppose many of which are in-jokes. And some are probably just artistic creations.


But why did these people select legal tender to convey their messages?"

link

Bad feeling...

So i just got home at five minutes before eight oclock in the morning to walk down my corridor in my hall and gasp at how loud someone's music is playing.  I couldn't work out why it would be so loud. I turn down my hallway to find that it's actually coming from behind MY door and is from MY room. AArgh! It's SO loud i'm worried it's damaging my radio, it's rattling my door and was shaking the floor of the room above me - turns out it's woken up just about everyone on my side of the building.  It woke a girl two floors away from me - she looked pissed. Oops!

Skype's numbers blow me away

I've been using the VoIP software on Mac and PC for a couple months now and have found it to be a fantastic boon - one of the few really concrete examples of how the internet is changing lives and business practices in the world today. Whilst reading an article in The Register I was pleasantly alarmed by the numbers the company is claiming:

"Skype claims 14m registered users and an extra 100,000 sign up for services each day. Its first task in China will be to increase users. Tom and Skype began working together last month when they launched a co-branded instant messenger service."

WOW! 100,000 a day. That is quite something - and no wonder the manufacturers are now screaming to make products to be officially endorsed by the software - that's quite some user base if everyone (realistically) has to have headset with microphone...
link

Poppy Appeal

Slate has a good explanation, to the uninitiated, for the British practice of wearing red poppies in November. The mark of respect for the victims of war - and largely for those victims of World Wars One and Two - appears to have confused some Americans.

"This weekend British Prime Minister Tony Blair appeared on NBC's Meet the Press and CNBC's Topic A with Tina Brown wearing a small red flower on his lapel. What is this flower, and what does it signify?"

link

what a start....

May I mention that Simone is nuts? In the good way of course, but totally nuts.

"I just went from being in a really bad mood because my lamp in my room burned out (actually, it exploded, long story, has to do with a pigeon)..."

Life...
link

I don't know what to do

Whether I need to buy another ticket to my Christmas ball. That would give the other boys something to talk about!

"Homos on parade... Discuss"

McModels?

Adrants sez that McDonalds is replacing or perhaps simply augmenting their Rondald McDonald spokesman with girls who appear to be more appealing to their desirable age brackets now that parents have become wise to the dangers of McDonalds food and are shirking the meals in record numbers...

"Promoting its Tomato McGrande, McDonald's Japan has enlisted two far younger versions of Ronald McDonald and dressed them in stylish, new Ronald McDuds"

link

A nice change

I've never been ready for something so early in my life.
I'm due there at 7:30, was basically ready to leave by 5:30.

I'm not actually all that nervous, but, I don't know what's going to happen, and so, I suppose in a way I'm apprehensive. But not nervous. That's come in about 40 minutes time.

Knock Knock.

Anybody home?

Kevin Sites, sometime CNN international correspondent is still in Iraq and is photoblogging the action/destruction/liberation in and around Fallujah.

""This is a frigging ghost town," says Corporal Steven Wolf, a squad leader for the vehicle the CAAT (Combined Anti Armor Team) Platoon. The streets are deserted. But there are some exceptions. The dead.

The Marines are operating with liberal rules of engagement.

"Everything to the west is weapons free," radios Staff Sgt. Sam Mortimer of Seattle, Washington. Weapons Free means the marines can shoot whatever they see -- it's all considered hostile."

link

Un-Fulfilled and wanting more

I managed to get my ear to a pre-release copy of Destiny Fulfilled, the new Destiny’s Child album. I know I’ll be buying at least one copy for someone this Christmas. It’s perfectly timed for the ‘Holiday Season’; what a shocking surprise, must be a lucky coincidence.
It sounds like a rushed production unfortunately. It misses out much of the tight production of the separately produced members’ albums, leaving some tracks such as ‘Cater 2 U’ empty and feeling hollow.
Others such as Lose My Breath, T-Shirt, Through with Love, and Game Over stand out and remedy what could have been a failed album.

However, even with these stand out tracks the collection comes across as a eulogy to their music of the past with ballad heavy filler tracks creating gulfs of R&B mediocrity until the next stand out track. Reportedly recorded over just three weeks, the tracks that do catch the eye have clearly been well polished, but it remains those Aaliyah-like tracks that make you reach for the skip button.

Overall it’s not bad, but one yearns for a Destiny’s Child album that doesn’t have the same old, same old style A-sides and C-sides.

Forecast looking dull

We have a full scale UGLY warning in force around central Leeds. I went to sleep last night, and woke up this morning, UGLY! Fantastic. Just what I need in my life.

If you're in the area, don't stop by and drop in - you'll be scared and I'll still be ugly.

Thank you

Dell:meagre incentives

The Register is loving Dell today:

"Dell has had a tough time of late. Its consistent, double-digit revenue gains put it only billions ahead of hardware rivals that have barely managed to break even. With its fiscal predicament in mind, Dell put the screws on North Carolina legislators to offer it the sweetest plum available.


Last week, the North Carolina General Assembly cleared the way for a $242m incentive package for Dell. The deal gives Dell a tax credit for each computer or consumer device produced in the state. Dell will receive a $15 per unit credit in 2006 and just a $6.25 credit from 2007 to 2019."

Poor Michael Dell, he must really be suffering.. Just like Boeing needs tax assistance?

link

UPDATE:

November 12th, Dell have announced record profits of $846 Million for the year. They had growth of 27 percent within Europe for the year.

"Dell Inc. posted record third quarter sales and saw profits surge 25 percent. Shares of Dell gained 5 percent."

AP Story

Just don't ask

It's 12:15 already and I've had the most exhausting, horrible day ever for no particular reason, and I just want to sleep to get away from it.

Boy

east dulwich
Originally uploaded by Patrick.

"If you can't make me say oohh
Like the beat of this groove
You don't have no business in this
Here's your papers, baby you are dismissed"

This isn't about anything in particular - I just love those lines.
Excuse for some ass-shaking!

Amazing post by Scott

... On abortion:

"* If you have a good healthy relationship with your daughter and both share the same strong sense of faith/religion then the chances are that she won't have an unwanted pregnancy, but if she does she'll come and talk to you about it.
* If you're not a very good parent and your child is scared of you and/or your views then they might want to access information about pregnancy and abortions with out you knowing. They might also choose to have an abortion for reasons that they think are important.

If religion works then god should stop you getting pregnant. For those of us who don't believe in god then we'd like to keep our options open!"

He gets my vote for sure.

post link
Blog

LED Bike Pedals

I have to say that I think this is cool:
bicycle pedals with integrated LED's to stop one being run over by drunk Michael Phelps impersonators. What's really nifty is that the pedals are self powered by the rotation of the pedals themselves when the bike is in motion. Safe and nerdy all bundled together - score!

link

Republican! No!!!!!

You Are a Liberal Republican

When you tell people that you're Republican, they rarely believe you. That's because you're socially liberal - likely pro-choice and pro-gay rights. You're also not so afraid of big goverment, as long as it benefits people and not politicians. You are the most likely of any Republican type to swing over to the Democrat side sometimes.

What political persuasion are you?

He opened the door

A couple days ago, a friend of mine called Mel invited me to go running with her. She's a big morning fan - wanted to set out at seven o'clock. This means waking up earlier than that - not fun for anyone of my never-sleep-a-moment-longer-than -necessary disposition. I managed to sleep through yesterday's run - woke up at 8:30 just as the whole rest of the world was finishing waking up also.
I had to grovel to her and say how sorry I was to have missed the run.

Today was my turn. It's five minutes prior to Seven o'clock and you witness me, in full running regalia, roaming the corridors and hallways of my hall. I knock on her door, hear a voice, and the door opens.

Turns out she went out last night and isn't going to be running today. Right.

At least I didn't do my shoes. Back to bed then...

RunnersWorld
Up & Running

Bust me up!

Ok, so there are a lot of 'quirky' and supposedly 'cool' t-shirts out there at the moment. Oh, so achingly cool.

These actually are though. Funny, with the added homo element, could be hilarious. I want the 'Sex - do if for the kids' t-shirt. I want it because I never want to have to think about that. Can I say, with my full sense of irony intact, "icky!"

listen to this whilst you're looking... Behold a lady
Busted Tees.com

Halloween

.

I didn't mention my Halloween that we in fact celebrated on the Friday night instead of Sunday. Sundays are too dead around here - people go home for the weekend and they are exhausted from the partying during the week. Nothing goes on; even the bar is closed!

Kirsty was the most photogenic of the night - looking startled and yet still glam in her witches outfit..

We all wanted to be her.

Fruity

Originally uploaded by Patrick.

Today's the day for passion!

I'm in a mooch, that infamous state in which nothing gets done, no progress is made, and all attempts at work fall flat.

The idea of my 7AM run with Mel went out the window the moment I woke up at six. I was not going out in the rain today; simply not going to happen.

And so I bought fruit, looked at fruit and marvelled at fruit. It's the best way... plus it smells nice.

Fighting it out

The games that program icons play whilst we're away from our computers... This is what MSN starts - what a jumpstart. Moral of the tale: don't piss off the devil.


Icon Wars

Can She Ever Stop?

We hang out, we mess around, we play-fight, we swear, we do domestic duties. My friend and I have been hanging out the last couple days and just doing the normal weekend kind of thing. She's a girl, I'm a gay boy... what can I say - it's a natural synergy.

There's a snag. I'm in a hall, staying in large building where I have to live with a lot of straight guys. Straight girls really don't mind a fag in their midst - it's just one more person to advise them on what to wear to the club tonight. Straight boys however feel threatened. So when we're watching the Lord of the Rings and we see Merry and Pippin hugging on screen, it's not really that great for me when she declares to the room, "Oh my god, they're almost as gay as Patrick!"

Really, it just isn't funny.

I don't want to have to tell her to cut it, but to be honest, she doesn't get it. Being a boy means that you have to pay unbelievably close attention to the moods of those around, even if you pretend to not be aware, and this is where most attempted tom-boys fall down; they don't watch. When the guys wriggle and squirm at the thought that there's a boy who does other boys sitting next to them, she doesn't stop talking but just laughs louder. I smile and don't say anything because what can I say, she's a friend but she's not helping me. That is not friendly.

You have to love the photo

--From the flickr.com Black and White photography group...


link

New Map!

Chrisafer is making sense tonight: link

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to break up with politics. We're officially on a break. I can't talk about it. It hurts. It's not you, it's me. No, actually, it's you. It's you people who obviously are more terrified that I get to visit my partner in the hospital than that you have no FUCKING JOBS. Yes, I'm looking in your general direction, Ohio."

I couldn't have said it better. How much resentment, bitterness and disappointment is there going to be over the next four years if it really does come about that GW Bush returns to office. Suicide rates amongst subscribers to National Geographic will skyrocket.

Here's the link to the original thread he linked to...link

Welling up with the thought

Every Wednesday night I walk across a massive black field from where I work to where I live. The field is surrounded by sycamore and horse chestnut trees which means that the only light comes from the distant fog-diffused arc lamps around my hall. It's cold by this time, the sun went down hours ago and so the wind silently blowing across the land is not a warm one.
As I walked tonight my eyes welled up. I don't know what for, I don't know why I was tearing up, but at the time it felt right; I felt suffused with emotion. Perhaps it was my exhaustion speaking to me, perhaps it was my loneliness, perhaps it was my heart.

I crossed the field and as I stepped out from the trees into the light, I raised my arm and brushed away the tears...

The pain!

Owww, Owww, Owww, Owww, Owww

My brain is hurting because I'm just SO tired that i need to sleep. I don't think I've slept more than five hours any day in the last two weeks. People always either wake me up early or keep me up late.
I love being a social queen, but sometimes you just want to say, to paraphrase the tale, "stop the bus, I wanna get off".

There's a limit. I passed it last week but kept on going. I would definitely benefit from sleeping. And I won't be able to sleep until after 11pm tomorrow night. Why? Because I'm working until 10:30 in the evening, after a full day of studying.

And again I say... Owwww.

What's the word?

Oh yes, I remember the feeling...

"taken, smitten, besotted"

I don't know what to think, so I research the feeling to find out what my heart thinks.
listen to the sounds:
hands of time
The Heart Asks Pleasure First / Promise, The