This is who I really am

I was out at the bar in the centre of town last night, sitting drinking with some friends. Up to the window walks one of my old 'friends' from school. I immediately wanted to hide in a hole somewhere – to retreat back into myself. I was so panicked, it was odd. I rushed to put my jacket on over my wonderfully camp t-shirt - something I didn't think I'd ever do, but part of it I think was that I didn't want to be honest with them- I didn't want them to have the recognition of knowing who I am as a person - who I REALLY am
But then part of it is that I'm scared- I don't like that stage of coming out to people I know from the past. People I’ve known previously scare me yet people I have only just met I can be brutally honest with, something I regret but something I acknowledge. For now, it’s the way life has to be .