over it

The thing with an obsession is that when it recedes you know that's happened. You also feel rather irrational and faithless and stupid, grasping at straws to get something there's no chance of. It's clear thing were and are not to be and I'm able to believe that, but the thought of it is still a dull ache. I'm an ass. This is all something I've come to myself - there's been no big bang, no sudden revelation or confrontation. I think that with the tireless references to 'Mark and I are...' I'm able to piece together the fact that when I came out to him and he said, "I've been waiting so long for you to say that" he in fact didn't mean anything by it. He was in fact still just being a gossip queen. What a loss.