I need some inconsistency

An amalgamation of content: the aim not to politicise, but exercise. I'll think aloud about politics, technology, current news, as well as being a gay boy and what that really entails.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Hung, Drawn and Quartered

I felt completely ripped apart this morning after replying to an email I'd received. I think I knew what was coming, knew what I'd have to say in reply and would have to agree to both sides, but I still didn't want the situation to arise. Afterwards I had to carry on, whilst, having slept no more than four hours a night for the last two weeks, all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and whimper. I forced myself, as we were driving around the city, to listen to upbeat music, pop hits that have relentlessly upbeat tempos and continually optimistic lyrics for otherwise I think I would have just jumped out of that car and walked away.
I hate ineveitability and all that it carries around its neck, and I hate it even more when I have to agree with what that inevitable consequence is. Just overall, it's really fucked up. However, one of the plus points is that now I can truely look forward to tomorrow night when I can finally go out and feel free rather than hesitant and guilty because I should be waiting for something. One of my best friends in the world has just had his birthday - spend babysitting for family (isn't that fabulous, shows what a great guy he is) - and now we're going to party!
Or at least get pissed. whichever he prefers.

For some reason tonight, I go to sleep smiling, and I love it. Tonight, I look forward to not thinking, not analysing and being calm; it's fantastic!


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