AHOY THERE ME MATEY!

A RUB-A-DUB-DUB AND A TALLY-HO-PIP-PIP-PIPETTY-CHOCKS-AWAY TO YOU. A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a hook for an arm and a patch over one eye. The bartender asks "what 'appened?". "Well," begins our scurvy dog, "I was in a cutlass tournament aboard the 'Devil's Grog'. After three easy rounds I was finally bested by that legendary type fearful Pete. He sliced me arm off before marching me to the plank. In the salty drink I went. As I flailed hopelessly in the tropical seas, gasping for air, a shark must have picked up on the scent of blood from my wound. He managed to maul off me leg before some sympathetic sot hauled me back on to me vessel. " "Blimey" said the bar-tending type. "wotta tale. But what about the *chortle* eye patch?" "aaaarghhh!" exclaimed our nautical hero. "first day with the 'ook!" *chortle*
see you tomorrow me matie
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so that's what a text message to ME looks like. That was ___6___ messages long. Good lord.